A Little Public Service Announcement

Warning: This is not a sports related post. Sorry, but I had to digress for a moment.

Last night while distributing candy, I noticed a disturbing pattern. The "kids" seem mighty big to me. I don't mean big for their age, either. I mean these Trick-Or-Treaters were in a hurry to get back to their dorm room before somebody else finished off their keg.

This leads me to believe that some people, mostly parents, are having a difficult time in determining at what age to tell little Johnny it's time to skip mooching chocolate off the neighbors. As a public service, I'd like to suggest some rules of thumb.

* If your darling is over six foot tall, it's probably time to retire from the door-to-door version of Halloween.

* If your child and I (or you and me, if you are the begger in question) go to the nearest bar and ask for a shot of Jack Daniels and your "kid" doesn't get carded, but I do, he/she is too old.

* If your child is out for Halloween with his/her own child in hand, it's time to sort out priorities.

* As an aside, if your kid is oh-I-don't-know, let's say one year old and you are lugging your flesh and blood up and down the sidewalk beyond two doors, your kid ain't the one looking for candy and we all know it. You are a parent, now. Go home and pass out candy to someone else's nineteen year old.

* If your child's "costume" is a four hundred dollar leather jacket, they probably don't need the candy.

* If your little wonder drove himself/herself to my neighborhood to trick-or-treat, they are too old.

* If that same child drove a car that cost more a month than my vehicle does, they should be bringing me candy.

* If your child can vote tomorrow, maybe it's time for them to get on the giving end of the Halloween process.

I realize this whole business of knowing when to stop cruising the streets on the last day of October can be confusing. I hope these little pointers help. By no means are these are the rules, but it gives you some idea of when to say when.

I now return you to sports blog already in progress.