Food Police Alert

(Warning: The following post contains non-sports related thoughts. It may offend some. It may not. I apologize either way.)

It seems the food police are hard at work, again. This time the object of their ire is Hardees. The fast food chain has created something it calls the Monster Thickburger. The double-cheese burger is huge, as it's name implies, and weighs more than a Chevy Cavalier. To the disdain of the health food crowd, the new burger has four billion, three hundred thousand fat grams. (That's just an approximation on my part. I was never really good at math.)

Can we please get a couple of things straight before you zealots go right off the deep end? First, if I want three tons of burger, I am going to buy it. If that means ordering twenty White Castles, fine. Two Big Macs? No problem. If I want big portions, I can get them anywhere.

Second, the new burger is around $5.50. The poor are going to have a difficult time affording this little treat. Especially, when they can go to Wendy's and order five bacon cheeseburgers off their dollar menu and save fifty cents. I'm sure that's much, much healthier.

Even those with cash may hesitate to cough up $5.50 for one fast-food burger. Little Caesar's offers a large pepperoni pizza for $5.00. That may feed more than one. What about White Castle? How many of them can you buy for five bucks nowadays? There are simply more cost effective ways of eating poorly than grabbing Hardee's new burger.

Third, what percentage of the population can get their hands on these things? Hardees is pretty small compared to the Mickey D's or Burger King. There is only one in Metro Detroit, as an example. If the poor can't afford it, the health food nuts won't even drive near their buildings and the average citizen can't find a location, what kind of impact is this new menu option really going to have?

Fourth, and finally, I have bad news for the food cops. Vegetarians get sick. Some people who eat healthy and, yes, even some who exercise daily, don't live forever. I know. It's shocking, but it's true. Worry a little less, guys and gals. It's not good for you to have stress in your life.

You just need to stop complaining and fretting. No amount of zealous rhetoric is going to stop people with weight issues from eating large portions, anyway. What we need to do is convince the nation that they shouldn't eat drive-thru four or five days a week. That's a seperate issue, though.

For the rest of us, an occasional Monster Thickburger, Big Mac or Whopper isn't going to alter our weight significantly. Nor will it damage our health in any permanent way. So, please, stop being such party-poopers and let us enjoy our infrequent indulgence. Go annoy some poor smoker and leave Hardees alone. By the way, take that guy from the Subway commercials with you.