Belated Halloween Rant

It's time for my annual Halloween rant. My apologies for running behind this year. I realize most of you haven't slept in anticipation of this post. Anyway, while the age of our trick-or-treaters was a big issue with me last autumn, the dilemma arose again in '05. This time, however, the age problem went in the opposite direction.

In my corner of the planet, we tend to get an unhealthy number of semi-adults still out begging for chocolate. These "kids" are old enough to drive. Many are old enough to buy Jack Daniels and not get carded. These tikes need to be off doing whatever annoying things you do at that age not parading around the neighborhood Halloween night.

Now, this year, we had a slightly different phenomenon occur. The kids weren't even kids yet. Nope, they were babies. Some of them, actually, many of them, weren't quite up to walking effectively. A number of them were still stroller bound. Oh, a few were teamed up in the back of wagons, but either way, they weren't up to walking for long periods of time. (After the first couple of parents attempted to cram their stroller up my steps, I gave in and met them on my walk.)

Yet, there they were all cute and cuddly with their Halloween bag in hand. Well, that's not quite accurate, either. Just as they were too young to be walking very far, or at all, these ghosts and goblins weren't about to hold a plastic pumpkin street after street. They just weren't strong enough yet. So I tossed their Snickers into the container on their lap.

This is where my rant really begins. Who is kidding who here? These little ones are probably eating mushed peas for dinner, yet they are in desire of M&M's? They don't have teeth yet, but they are out mooching for bubble gum and Milky Way's? We all know what's going on here.

The babies are a front for a not-so-clever chocolate begging operation. Their parents, who no doubt use a similar method when dealing with grandparents, turn into extortionists. They toss a cute little one all dressed up on your porch and what are you going to do? Tell them to get lost? Don't think so. Nope, you are going to smile, say how gosh darn cute the baby is and cough up another Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, so their parents can get a free sugar high for the next couple of days.

It was bad enough when I was feeding young adults, but now I am feeding parents, too? These folks probably make more money than me and have far more popular blogs, too, yet I have to provide them with sugar based treats? Something seems wrong about the whole thing. Is it any wonder why I am not a fan of Halloween?

We need Congress to act. Set some age limits for crying out loud. Something like ages 3-10 seems pretty good to me. I'll even take five years to twelve year olds. After that, sorry, kids, you'll just have to wait for the Halloween bar scene. If our government won't act, I may have to.

I'm thinking about carding the older looking kids and asking for DNA tests from these parents. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if they just borrowed or rented the baby for the evening in order to solicit candy. Someone has to stop the madness.